Appreciation, Body Acceptance, Body Appreciation, Body Image, Body Love, Body Shape, Body Size, Eating Disorder, Emotions, Encouragement, Faith, Feelings, Hope, Journaling, Joy, Love, Motivation, New Year, Recovery, Triggers, Uncategorized, Weight

Happy Holidays

“Be happy in the moment, that’s enough.  Each moment is all we need, nothing more.”
-Mother Teresa

******

The holidays are challenging for people struggling with, and in recovery from, eating disorders and I don’t think it really matters how long a person has been in recovery–the holidays can be rough.  Food, and tons of it, at every gathering and family members who are either talking about their own diet and work out regimen or commenting on the progress of the person in recovery.  Sometimes it is difficult to tune out the diet talk or know how to handle comments about recovery, but that is why it is of the utmost importance to be mindful and present at all times.

Christmas is right around the corner, closely followed by New Year’s and those *wonderful* resolutions.  We are about to be spammed more than usual with diets, before and after photos of half naked people praising the latest boot camp style at home workouts, and the pushing of gym memberships.  Not only that, but this year my 30th birthday happens to be sandwiched between the two.  Yep.  The big 3-0 in two weeks.  Talk about time to practice being mindful and present at all times!  It can really be challenging to stay mindful but here are some tips on how I plan to do it and you can always use them too…

  1. Yoga, deep breathing.  These are always my go-to for mindfulness and bringing myself back to the present.  I live on a sailboat in South Carolina where the weather has grown chilly and doing morning yoga outside isn’t really an option and neither is doing yoga in a very small space; therefore I don’t get to do this one as often as I like anymore but even a few simple poses can help.  Take time on the morning of a gathering to do a quick 10-minute sun salutation to start your day and get yourself into the right frame of mind to deal with negativity and diet talk.  Clear your head and throughout the practice remind yourself that you are enough and you are beautiful exactly as you are in this moment.  Find things you appreciate about your body and speak them gently to yourself.  Once you reach the gathering take a few moments before going inside to breathe deeply for five breaths and again remind yourself that you are enough and there are many wonderful things about you.  If you find yourself struggling with anxiety during a gathering take a step back in a quiet room and repeat the deep breathing exercises.
  2. Power Playlist.  I love music.  It is huge motivator and mood changer for me so I have playlists ranging from caribbean/reggae, Christian, to recovery oriented positive playlists.  Depending on my mood I select something to help lift it.  Typically the recovery positive playlist is my go-to when driving to gatherings or places where I know anxiety will automatically increase.  Singing the songs in the car helps immensely to bring myself into the present moment.  Listening to my recovery positive playlist helps me feel empowered, strong, and prepared to deal with any eating disorder thoughts that pop in my head.
  3. Small Reminders.  I have a thin rubber bracelet that says “Beautiful Body Acceptance” on it that I wear often.  Earlier this week I received an e-mail from a treatment professional who said she loaned her BBA bracelet to a client over Thanksgiving to help bring about mindfulness in times of stress.  While not everyone has a BBA bracelet there may be a small piece of jewelry you can look at to remind yourself that you are beautiful, unique, and your body is something to be loved and appreciated.  Maybe it is a small silver wave ring or bangle to remind you to let the emotions roll over you like waves, acknowledging them but not being taken under by them.   The same could be said of an ocean blue colored piece of jewelry or something with sea glass.  However, the sea is not calming to everyone (I love it and practically live on it, as I live on a sailboat) but surely there is something that could help remind you to acknowledge the emotions but not be swept away by them.  Be creative!

There are so many ways to be mindful and bring yourself back to the present during the holidays.  The most important thing is to remind yourself that you need to take time for self care.  Constantly being around others can take a toll on anyone, but especially someone who is trying to recover from an eating disorder.  Anxiety, stress, worry, and the eating disorder voice and take over at any moment which is why it is so very important to remember to take time for mindfulness.  Experience joy this Christmas season by believing that you are worthy, loved, and beautiful just as you are.  Take time to breathe and remember why you are fighting so hard for recovery.

With Body Love,
Lane 

Appreciation, Bikini Body, Body Acceptance, Body Appreciation, Body Image, Body Love, Body Shape, Body Size, Challenge, Eating Disorder, Emotions, Encouragement, Faith, Feelings, Friends, God, Gratitude, Hope, Joy, Love, New Year, Recovery, Social Media, Uncategorized, Weight

15 Things I WILL Do in 2016

CHALLENGE
a call to take part in a contest or competition

******

So, I’ve been absent from both the BBA blog and Facebook page as of late and here it is–almost a month since my last post! For those who don’t know me personally, we (my little family and I) have been getting ready to move and have been SUPER BUSY getting our house ready for our next endeavor.  However, I have not forgotten about the BBA community and what I sometimes call “my second child” when I refer to the blog.  In fact, I’ve been creating a challenge for myself (and you, if you’d like to join) and it is finally time to share that challenge! Are you ready?  Please say yes because I am EXCITED and ready to dive in head first for this one!  

On my birthday my amazing husband took me to a bookstore in Columbus.  Not just any bookstore, a bookstore with OVER 30 ROOMS of books!  Now, I am somewhat of a bookworm, a nerd, a person who loves to get lost in some literature so this was a great birthday gift; especially when I walked away with Things No One Will Tell Fat Girls by Jes Baker.  It is an amazing, empowering, and completely-body-positive read that I HIGHLY recommend to each and every one of you but especially for those who fill the “plus size” category.  Throughout the book Jes gives readers little challenges that are from her blog post “25 things fat people shouldn’t do” .  Intrigued by this, I decided to develop my own list of challenges, as some of hers didn’t exactly apply to be (because I either already do them or they aren’t really my thing anyway).  Are you ready?  Drum roll please….

  1. Wear bold patterns
  2. Wear bright colors
  3. Wear bikinis
  4. Eat dessert in public
  5. Wear leggings/skinny jeans as pants
  6. Wear horizontal stripes
  7. Wear a tight fitting dress
  8. Dance
  9. Follow their dreams and be successful
  10. Be happy and confident in themselves and their appearance
  11. Do cartwheels
  12. Swing into the water (rope swings)
  13. Swing on a swing set
  14. Do yoga (**for me, in a group setting**)
  15. Jump

This list was derived from things I found on the internet that fat people, particularly women, “shouldn’t” do, as well as the list Jes posted.  Well guess what, I am going to do them.  I am going to do all 15 of them in the calendar year 2016.  While some of these I already have done, I am challenging myself to doing them a little differently.  For example, wearing leggings.  If you follow BBA on Facebook you know I love leggings and even have some that are bright patterns; however I have one pair of leggings that will be particularly challenging for me: red leggings with pieces of cake on them.  Yes, the design looks like little squares of cake.  I thought they were cute but of course my brain says, “You can’t wear those!  You look like all you do is eat cake all the time and then people will think the same thing.”  Um, newsflash dear brain, people will think all I do is eat cake if they want to regardless of what my leggings have on them; therefore I will wear these leggings in public sometime soon!

As I embark on this new *challenging* adventure I’m asking you to take this journey with me!  If you decide to accept this challenge, join me in posting your challenge photos on the BBA page as you complete them.  Share your photos on Instagram using #BBAChallenge.  Make some of your own challenges that fit you and share those with the BBA Community on social media.  I look forward to seeing people step out of their comfort zones and step into a challenging, confident new direction!

 With Body Love,
Lane

Appreciation, Body Acceptance, Body Appreciation, Body Image, Body Love, Body Shape, Body Size, Eating Disorder, Emotions, Encouragement, Exercise, Faith, Feelings, Friends, God, Gratitude, Hope, Joy, Love, New Year, Postpartum Body, Recovery, Social Media, Uncategorized, Weight

Who I Am

“What would happen if I never tried to lose weight again?  What would happen if I never tried to ‘better’ myself or get ‘healthy’ again?”
-me

******

This song is from my daughter’s favorite movie, The Pirate Fairy. After watching it several times I finally listened to the words and realized I actually really love this song.  Take a good listen and you’ll see why…it is all about embracing who you are and what you love.  This song has been my inspiration to be pretty bold with some decisions lately…

Yesterday I went to Ann Arbor, Michigan to meet up with some college friends for a girls afternoon.  I wore an outfit that challenged me: patterned leggings, a tighter fitting shirt, and boots.  I wanted to be comfortable for the drive but I also wanted to dress nice so this seemed like a feasible option.  Generally I felt comfortable walking around but I definitely had moments of insecurity.  Why am I telling you this?  Because I realized I happen to like patterned leggings even though they aren’t labeled “socially acceptable” for bigger ladies to wear in public as pants.  I also decided I don’t care.  It is all part of embracing myself and my likes in this new year while continuing to figure out what all those likes really are, regardless of societal stigmas.

IMG_5339

We went out to eat and I challenged myself to order something out of the norm for me.  Completely out of the norm.  While at a quaint Italian restaurant I ordered spaghetti (gluten free, of course)…and enjoyed it.  Typically in public I order a salad because that is “socially acceptable” for someone with a larger body, as it signifies a desire to get “healthy” and “lose weight” to better oneself.

I’m going to call it:
bullsh*t

On the drive home I was thinking about the challenges in the day and it hit me–hard–what would happen if I stay a size 16/18 forever and never lose weight again?  Usually this thought would freak me out and make me want to find a scale and weigh myself ASAP to make sure I’m not gaining weight and get my “head on straight” aka back to wanting to fit in with the societal norm of trying to lose weight to get “healthy”.  However, this time was different.  What if I never tried to lose weight again? Never tried to “better” myself and get “healthy” again?

I WOULD BE SO HAPPY! 

While I am generally a very happy person these days I still struggle with body image and being labeled “fat” or “plus size” by media and societal norms.  But really, what is so bad about that anyway?  Is that really the worst thing in the world to be?  The answer is no. 

I am more active than many women I know, including several who are much smaller than me.  Thanks to yoga I am flexible, strong, and have great breath control.  I sleep great and I feel great.  My body weight and size in no way hinder me from doing yoga.  Very rarely do I need to modify poses to accommodate my body and when I do it is usually a stability issue. (read: I am still not good at tree pose.  I am a very wind-blown tree.)  My body is healthy and strong enough to walk long distances, often while carrying or pushing my child.  Embracing my body at this size gives me freedom and happiness.  I don’t have it down pat.  I definitely still have days where I really struggle with that embrace factor.  However, if I eat spaghetti at a restaurant or a cookie at home the world won’t end.  Just because I am bigger than society finds acceptable doesn’t mean I don’t deserve to enjoy the little things in life.  I will never be a Victoria’s Secret model, or a model at all (not my thing) but that doesn’t mean I don’t deserve to wear whatever outfit or swimsuit I want.  I determine what makes me feel comfortable and attractive.  If I want to wear leggings as pants…I’ll surely be comfy!  If I want to have dessert at a restaurant…so be it!  Although, for the record, the dessert at a restaurant piece is something on which I am still working.  

If someone wants to make a judgement about me based on my body size and food order I feel sorry for them because they have their own serious issues.  Health can come at any size and I am healthy.  I strive to be kind and compassionate toward others.  I am a dedicated and loving wife and mother. All of this is not determined by my body size.  It isn’t determined by the food on my plate.  All of these things are infinitely better than being thin, angry, and unhappy because I am trying to force my body to conform to an unattainable societal ideal.  

So why do I still get upset about my body size?
Because I am human.
I get sucked into the poo the media peddles in hopes I will spend money to get thinner and embrace the “new year, new you” concept.  Not this time, diet and fashion industry.
New year, even more awesome me.
This year is all about embracing and celebrating the REAL me that already exists.  The me that doesn’t have to lose weight to be happy because I am already happy.  The me that is a million great things that have nothing to do with body size.  This year is about embracing my new found freedom to simply be myself, regardless of body size and weight.

With Body Love,
Lane

Appreciation, Body Acceptance, Body Appreciation, Body Image, Body Love, Body Shape, Body Size, Eating Disorder, Emotions, Encouragement, Exercise, Faith, Feelings, Friends, God, Gratitude, Hope, Joy, Love, New Year, Postpartum Body, Recovery, Social Media, Uncategorized, Weight

New Year, Embracing My TRUE Self

As 2015 finds its exit tonight, it leaves me with many memories, lessons, and victories.
It is also setting me up for success and realistic goals for 2016.
So bring on the new year!

******

What a year 2015 has been!  I’ve learned more about myself in this year than I ever thought possible.  I didn’t know it was possible to be as happy as I have been and I am elated to discover I can continue to live my life this way–this happy.  Happiness is a choice and I am going to keep using my “wise mind” to choose to be happy just like I continue to choose recovery over relapse.  That being said…

So long, 2015!  Let’s review what you taught me: 

  1. I love the color PURPLE.  Seriously, purple is my color. Can’t. Get. Enough. 
  2. The lotus flower is pretty much my power symbol and represents my journey toward self-acceptance and self-discovery.  Just as the lotus flower must come up through deep, dark mud to bloom and become beautiful; the journey I have walked in recovery has turned me into this beautiful, blooming woman.
  3. Recovery, true recovery, is 100% possible!  Before I always thought people who wrote books about being completely recovered were full of poo but as I’ve walked this road for the last year I have come to understand I, too, can be completely recovered.
  4. I’ll let you in on a little secret…I’m kind of a hippy at heart. 
    1. I LOVE yoga, meditation, hemp products, and fair trade clothing
    2. Side note: favorite fair trade clothing companies: Soul FlowerFair IndigoOka-B, and LulaRoe (softest leggings ever)
  5. I love writing.  Kind of obvious but I didn’t realize just HOW much I love writing until this year.
  6. I enjoy burning incense and using essential oils.
  7. I CAN survive without knowing my weight.  Give it a try…I am certain you have it within you to survive without knowing that number, too!
  8. My clothing size absolutely does not matter.  It doesn’t determine my worth or whether or not people like me.
  9. I LOVE BEING A MOM.  Best. “Job.” Ever.
  10. I can appreciate my body and show it love…even when I’m struggling.

IMG_5199

I would say that is a pretty good list of self-discoveries I made in 2015!  I look forward to putting those discoveries to use in 2016.  For once my goals for the new year have nothing to do with worshipping the gods of thinness and everything to do with embracing my true self.  Curious?  Check them out!

Goals for 2016:

  1. Improve my daily body image.  While my body image is leaps and bounds beyond where it was at the start of 2015, I still have a long way to go.  Poor body image is everywhere and we are taught to dislike what we see, so working to change that will take time but I’m willing to put in that time. 
  2. Cease eating disorder treatment.  Not because I am ready to throw in the towel but because I obtain sustained recovery and no longer need treatment services.
  3. Yoga, yoga, yoga!! The movement I once found “worthless” has become part of my life on a (near) daily basis.  I’m ready to commit to my yoga practice more often and deepen my understanding of self through that practice.  (Hippy, I know.) 
  4. Finish the Beautiful Body Acceptance book I started a few months ago.  Writing a book is serious work; especially when my toddler comes first!  (Writers block is serious stuff, too.)  Hopefully I can carve out more time to work on writing it in 2016! 
  5. Grow the BBA “brand” this year. BBA is still a baby, my (second) baby, and nurturing this blog and book are on my list of goals.  I want more people to see their beauty and begin the journey of body acceptance! 

I hope you take time to reflect on the lessons you learned in 2015 and set goals for 2016 that don’t worship the gods of thinness and weight loss.
Set goals to embrace your true self and let your happy shine! 

With Body Love,
Lane